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GODDAMN FIFTH SEASON

Why the hell are we filming so long into the summer? The actors aren't going to strike; it's just boasting.

Anyway, I'm off to go drag Leonard and Laurie from their gay-ass slumber party because Shore will have my ass if they're not at the studio tonight.

Goddman night shots. Who the hell's idea was it to write a motherfucking road trip?

FUCK

OH SHIT I LOST BOBBY SEAN. SHORE IS GOING TO KILL ME. I LEAVE FOR TWO MINUTES AND NOW HE'S GONE, WANDERING THE STREETS LIKE A RETARD TODDLER. HE'S PROBABLY GOING TO SHORE'S PLACE BUT HE'S GOT NO IDEA WHERE HE IS. I'LL HAVE TO CHECK EVERY COFFEE SHOP, MCDONALDS AND THEATRE CAFE IN THE AREA.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

AND ALL THAT IS HOLY

FOR THE LOVE OF GOOD IF I HEAR EVERY MONOLOGUE FROM INVENTION OF GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING LOVE AGAIN I WILL LOSE MY SHIT. I THOUGHT I WAS IMMUNE TO THE LOVESICK AND WHINING RAMBLINGS OF QUESTIONING AND CLOSETED HOLLYWOOD QUEERMOS BUT I WAS WRONG. I AM NOT THAT STRONG.

I HAVE DELIVERED YOUR DRUGS, MR. SHORE. I AM NO LONGER SEEKING ALTERNATE EMPLOYMENT. FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR MOTHER PLEASE LET HUGH LAURIE GO.
So we let Bobby Sean out of the trunk, finally. He keeps mumbling about sandwiches and Hugh, of course, and I can't take him away from that computer. I suggested we walk to the Starbuck's but he can't really walk too far right now. I brought him some food and orange juice and he's doing better but he's refusing to move until Hugh shows up.

David stormed off. He was cursing actors and everything in general. He just doesn't get it, really.

I wonder where Hugh is. I thought he'd have come running when we let out Bobby Sean. We told him where we are. I txted him and everything.

RESUME


Jason Blaustein
568 Maplelawn Avenue, Apt. #327
Hollywood, California 90038

Cell: 323-555-9047
Home: 323-555-2749
Work: 818-555-9204 ext. 58281



Highlights and Qualifications


  • Proficient in both Mac and Windows software

  • Experienced in managing contact lists and networking

  • Able to drive automatic and stick shift cars

  • Adept in the ways of duct tape

  • Experienced in assisting writers, directors and producers

  • Capable of remembering a forty-three item coffee list

  • Personable, self-motivated and intuitive

  • Not above performing more colorful tasks



Experience

  • February 08 - present
    Intern, Fox Studios
    Assistant to Unnamed Big Shot TV Producer
    Answered phones, fetched coffee, managed scheduling, called actors, assisted directors, abducted Robert Sean Leonard, drove show crew, marked dailes

  • June 06 - December 07
    Office Assitant, Fos Studios
    Answered phones, data entry, delivered mail, wrote correspondences

  • May 04 - June 06
    Wait staff, Applebees
    Waited tables, assistant host duties, cleaned buffet area, dealt with assholes and twits


Education
Ramapo College of New Jersey
Communication Arts, BA

References available upon request

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